Bored. May as well do one of these survey-things.

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
Unfortunately, page 18 is a blank page between Chapters, and does not have line 4.

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you reach?
Hat, unwashed plates, origami paper, notebook, calculator, origami butterfly (purple), table, camera, mounted photograph of myself. Yes, I do have a photo of myself on my desk. Several, in fact.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
TV...what is this mysterious 'TV' you mention? Seriously, it has been that long (I don't own one). Last night I watched Red Dwarf on my friend's laptop.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
12.14

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
Oh, so close! It's 12.10. But the clock I'm reading off is fast, so it's really more like 12.06.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Nothing. Everyone has gone home for Christmas and my college is empty. Even the cleaner has gone (she was banging around half an hour ago.)

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Walking back to my empty, empty college after buying a wind-up torch and phone charger.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My emails. There weren't any of interest: no one loves me.

9. What are you wearing?
A long denim skirt, black tights, black shoes. A bright red jumper (thin). A bracelet made of a fork that has been heated and twisted to fit around my arm. A watch, also fast. A necklace from Cambodia. A headscarf with mushrooms on it. A bored expression.

10. Did you dream last night?
If I did, I can't remember it now. It's afternoon, and I didn't write it down when I woke up therefore it is forgotten.

11. When did you last laugh?
Probably last night. I was drinking wine, so I assume I laughed at some point. Or several points. Or almost constantly.

12. What are on the walls of the room you are in?
We're not allowed to put stuff on the walls. There's a white phone, that's all.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
My train got in early. In England, that's seriously wierd.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
It's not great. I mean, the questions aren't utterly dreadful, but they lack imagination. Seriously, 'what are you wearing?' is hardly a question to excite and intrigue. What do you expect me to say: Nothing? A rabbit costume? The skins of my fallen foes? Sadly not.

15. What is the last film you saw?
Transformers. Only the knowledge that I would never be able to rant about it if I did so prevented me from killing myself five minutes in. Please, God, if you exist, smite the creators with justified wrath.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Happiness. Everything has its price, I assure you.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know about.
Despite all appearances, I'm really quite a nice person. Deep down. Very deep.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Go back in time and castrate the first humans. Save a lot of problems further down the line.

19. Do you like to dance?
No.

20. George Bush:
...let's not go there.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
First child? FIRST child? You seriously expect me to have more than one?

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Given the previous question, probably Alex, or Sam, or something equally non-gender specific. You never told me to stop imagining my first child was a girl.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes. preferably somewhere that speaks my language, or else France. I speak fairly good French.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No. I'm an atheist. God shall say nothing, because there will be no pearly gates. The chemical compounds that make up my body shall decompose, and the electrical signaling in my brain will cease. There is no soul. Our good deeds go unrewarded, just as our bad deeds go unpunished. Deal with it.